I feel very insecure lately. My concept of self has been drastically shifted and I am trying to adapt. I like to think I am an intelligent person, but I am suddenly confronted with an entire world I have thus far ignored. I feel very ignorant. I have to learn (or ask and keep asking) questions like how to do things: How do you pick a ripe orange? I have stupid questions such as what is nougat? It’s in candy bars, but I haven’t had any candy bars with nougat in them. I don’t think nougat and white chocolate mix well together. And why does chocolate go with everything? Mint, fruit, coffee, nuts, even bacon and chili powder—is there anything people don’t put with chocolate? I’ve never been given a box of chocolates: what the hell is in those things anyway?
I started crying in the grocery store the other day. So if you were near the frozen foods section at the supermarket and you heard someone sobbing—it was me. I was so overwhelmed by the things I saw. It’s like having new eyes. I’ve glossed over so many things—whole sections of the store because they were off-limits to me. The yogurts, the ice creams, juices, sodas, salad dressings, cereals, desserts and the candy!
There was so much stuff that was suddenly open to me and I felt very pressured by sheer prevalence to try something, anything and everything. Hurry! There are frozen foods in the basket! Old habits die hard, however and I left without buying anything new.